Who does not want to have their share of fame? Who does not want to bask under the bright lights of attention? I think I am speaking for everyone when I say it does feel good to see people noticing you for something positive, for something you can be proud of and something you feel good.
There’s no problem with that, unless that’s all you end up caring about.
At the beginning, it was well and good. Hundreds of likes here, few thousands of hearts there, it was flattering as it was exhilarating. I feel so confident and was really feeling good about myself that people around the net were appreciative of my looks, my body and me, or so I thought.
It was all just for fun at first. I was sharing what I want and what I could. No effort needed at all. But as the likes came flooding in, the pressure to keep up appearances and to provide “gram-worthy” content swelled. Regardless of my financial status, I felt that I need to be up-to-date to latest trends, there seems to be a need for me to keep looking like the socialite I once aspired to be.
That “woke-up-like-this” photo with thousands of hearts? I was doing my make up to be as natural as possible early in the morning for about 3 hours just to get that look. And yeah, that photo was just one from almost a hundred shots I took that time, trying to look for the perfect angle, perfect lighting and perfect shot. Yeah that was stupid, and I see that now but back then, when you were high on the false glory you collect from people you do not even know. It was exciting and it was a necessary hard work.
You may think that it was not a problem at all, but at that time I was a victim of a human disease. I was suffering from attention deficiency. There was this nagging urge to be appreciated and to be like. It slowly became dreadful as posts went by. And I think I hit rock bottom when I had to stage photos, I had to stage scenarios, and I had to pose every photo with my boyfriend to appear as a happy couple online. I’ve planned and positioned everything as if we were having the time of our lives and were head over heels in love with each other. Trust me we were, but that became apparent to me that He was fed up with what I was doing and he left me.
I was so caught up with appearances, I was so caught up with what other people’s comments, likes and whatnot that I forgot to pay attention to my immediate surrounding and my reality. Suddenly, those thousands of likers didn’t mean a single thing to me. Those comments and remarks I tried so hard to achieve were all empty nothings. I was left to my own, and I was all alone.
To make a long miserable story short, when you’re at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. So I am quite positive that I am on the right track as I moved away from those superficial platforms and focus my energy to much more significant things.